If you’re feeling overwhelmed by conflicting advice about your “colicky” baby, the solution might not be to gather more information. Often, what parents need most is help interpreting information within the context of their own family, values, circumstances, and goals.
In this article, you’ll learn:
- Why information overload is so common in the postpartum period
- How too many opinions can create decision fatigue
- What I mean by a “curated support team”
- Why trust matters more than collecting endless advice
- What I actually offer as The Matron of Motherhood
Kathryn, a client of mine, tells me that “more is more.”
And in some cases, I agree.
More helping hands? Absolutely. More meals in the freezer? Wonderful. More pacifiers? Yes, please—because somehow when you need one, there are none to be found. One is in the backseat of the car. Two, maybe three, are under the dresser. Another is outside in the yard because the dog has not yet accepted that this tiny new creature you’ve brought home is here to stay, and its belongings are not up for grabs.
But when it comes to an irritable and fussy baby with very few symptoms and no obvious explanation for their pitiful cries, I often find myself believing the opposite is true. Sometimes more is simply too much.
An overtired baby is unlikely to respond to another product, specialist, appointment, or intervention without an opportunity to co-regulate with you first. This is something I would be especially mindful of if you or others would describe the infant’s temperament as sensitive, emotional, or passionate! A crying, upset baby does not make the conscious decision to stay awake and fight her nap–she is begging for someone else to take the reins and help her get to sleep. Ways to do this include mirror labor and the early newborn days, with lots of skin-to-skin contact, gentle rhythmic movement, humming, uplifting sound frequencies, fresh air, and sunlight.
Sometimes the most meaningful consideration we can make is to remove what is not working, simplify what is taking up precious space, and make room for what matters most.
When Information Becomes Unhelpful
A baby who was content this time yesterday suddenly seems impossible to soothe: their body scrunches, their face turns red, they cry harder than you’ve heard before. Is it constipation? Gas? Overgrowth of bad bacteria or perhaps a food sensitivity being consumed by breastfeeding?
You start Googling your concerns, then head to Reddit to see what other parents are saying. You text a few of your friends who have kids, and you copy and paste the situation into ChatGPT, hoping for a more holistic perspective.
You research specialists, read articles, and scour your followers list to see if you might have overlooked anyone who could help your baby be less miserable during the day. Before long, you’ve collected twenty possible explanations for their fussiness that go beyond witching hour and no more clarity than when you started. Only now you’re also exhausted, overwhelmed, and questioning your sanity and ability to keep looking for answers when nothing has proven to be an overnight success.
Why This Happens
Modern parents have access to more information than any previous generation, especially as Gen Z (the first generation to grow up with technology) saw social media take root when many were preteens and adolescents.
Within minutes, we can:
- Read the latest medical studies.
- Sign up for a Baby & Me class.
- Watch expert lectures
- Search symptoms
- Compare reviews
- Prompt AI for feedback
- Message friends and family
Most postpartum women experience decision fatigue when presented with too many choices that require significant brainpower and executive functioning; it’s not an issue of inaccessibility or lack of resources, but of taking on too much (a concept explored extensively in the novel “The Mother Load,” which explores the invisible mental work, stress, and overwhelm mothers often experience as they juggle countless responsibilities).
I feel that curiosity (and thereby lifelong learning) is a gift. In that same regard, I believe that research, expertise, and education matter, and that it is safe to exist within the gray area that often defines the newborn and postpartum season. There comes a point when gathering more information stops providing clarity and starts clouding the newborn trenches with more questions than answers, especially when every source seems to be telling you something different. We know the issue is not stemming from a lack of information. The primary focus shifts to discernment, filtering information to implement based on an overarching, holistic snapshot of your family’s well-being and goals.
Build Your Dream Team
When I talk about support, I am not suggesting that families need to assemble the largest possible team full of staff you’d see on a labor and delivery unit.
I encourage curating a small circle of trusted professionals who are:
- Well-versed in current research
- Connected to the local perinatal and birth work community
- Comfortable collaborating with one another
- Respectful of your values
- Interested in understanding the whole picture
An important caveat I’d like to make here is that expertise alone is not enough. You can have the most qualified professional in the room, but if you don’t feel understood, validated, grounded, or empowered, the relationship will only take you so far. Trust matters. Relationship matters. Feeling safe enough to ask questions matters.
What the Research Shows
Research consistently demonstrates that humans struggle when faced with too many choices and too much competing information.
- Decision Fatigue: The more decisions we make, the more difficult it becomes to evaluate future decisions effectively.
- Cognitive Overload: Our brains can only process so much information at once, especially when we’re sleep-deprived or stressed.
- Maternal Mental Load: Mothers often carry the invisible work of anticipating needs, managing information, and coordinating care.
- Healthcare Uncertainty: Conflicting recommendations can increase stress and reduce confidence in decision-making.
Use Your Team Before You Need Them
One of the greatest benefits of building your postpartum team during pregnancy is that the relationship already exists when you need it most. By the time labor, delivery, and postpartum arrive, your support people aren’t strangers because they’ve already gotten to know you, your family, and your values over the last several weeks or months. Perhaps most importantly, they have context. I find that context is often the missing ingredient in modern parenting advice; a recommendation that works great for one family could be a completely wrong fit for another. A feeding strategy that supports one baby may create unnecessary stress for another. An intervention that is appropriate in one circumstance may be entirely unnecessary in the next.
Every recommendation, every decision, and every challenge exists within the reality of your unique family system and no one else’s. This is why I encourage families to spend as much time as possible during pregnancy interviewing and cultivating trusted relationships with birth and postpartum doulas, IBCLCs for lactation support, pelvic floor PTs, OTs, craniosacral LMTs, and so forth. Confidence stems from repeated, consistent support and preparation, not from last-minute scrambling. When you’ve already built rapport and trust with your village, you’re leaning into relationships with people who know you and can offer guidance that’s truly personalized to you.
What I Offer as The Matron
The families I’ve supported as a doula can attest that while they receive the education they need to make intentional, conscious, values-based decisions for their family, that is simply the starting point (not the end goal) of my services as Matron of Motherhood. My approach is about setting a new standard for support.
Education is everywhere on the internet. But a doula who is truly invested in your family’s well-being goes beyond information. My focus is on interpretation and thoughtful integration, centered on your unique story and needs.
Information alone can feel overwhelming when it isn’t personalized or doesn’t account for the many factors that shape your parenting and personal choices. I draw from research, lived experience, developmental science, family systems, and my own observations to weave together guidance that helps you and your family feel more clearly understood, by yourselves and by those supporting you.
Key Takeaways
If you remember nothing else from this article, remember this:
- More information does not always create more clarity.
- Trust matters more than collecting endless opinions.
- The best support is both evidence-informed and relationship-based.
- Context matters.
- Families don’t just need education. They need interpretation.
